Lycra Limericks (18)

The target for which we"ve all striven
Would be much more easily driven
I can hardly recall
Why I startedat all
But getting here..? Well this is heaven

Dinnertube

Lycra Limericks (16)

As the peleton rolled into Tongue
They knew the lap bell had rung.
Only sixty three miles
Till they broke out in smiles
And victory anthems were sung

Donyerbike

Thank You

Team Squeaky wheels would like to thank everyone who has supported us throughout this adventure. Our partners who put up with training and consequent lost days. To friends and family who sent supportive texts and messages. Finally the team would like to thank everyone who supported us with donations to Macmillan Cancer Support and helped us to pass our target, there were times that this really helped.

Day (17)

Team Squeaky wheels have finished the LeJog. 1020 miles done and John O' Groats arrrived at. One disadvantage of no wind in Scotland is that the midges come out. We had the appropriate repellent, but due to the ambient air temperature this had frozen solid.  A good day on several levels, the weather was kind, the scenery beautiful, and we got there. Proof is the photos below. Finished in style with champagne, of course.

Lycra Limericks (17)

It's Chris who should go to the pillory
I toiled my way here through a hillery
Only to learn
As I crossed the last Burn
This "Morangie" ain't a distillery

Dinnertube

Day (16)

The penultimate day. Sunshine to set us of from Tain on the ride to Bonar Bridge. Lovely ride along the Dornoch Firth. Turned North to Lairgs, where coffee was had outside a friendly Spar, in sun. Though the clouds were gathering and the wind was strengthening. A long slow climb form there to the Crask Inn, where we had lunch, and spotted the disturbing object pictured below. In the distance we could see the rain over the North West Highlands, but it seemed to move with us so we stayed dry. After lunch we started the decent to Altnaharra, and the rain arrived. After the bleak moorland we had climbed through, we now should have been having grand mountain scenery. Which was, of course, lost in driving rain and hail. Dropped down on the Southern side  to find no rain there. Gradually thawed out on the run to Tongue and beside Loch Loyal. Despite frostbite some pictures were taken. Lovely drop into Tongue, where we anticipate the finish tomorrow.  Tim wanted the record of his "helmet hair" a style he is thinking of adopting.

Day (15)

The freakish weather continues.We set off from Boat of Garten in sunshine, not warm, but sunshine for all that. Climbed up to get to the summit of Slochd, keeping the sun but now wth wind. Great views back across the Cairngorms, and spirits sufficiently high posed, for pictures against the dramatic backdrop. Great ride into Inverness with the wind at our backs, and grabbed a bite to sustain us at Tescos on the outskirts of the city. Sat out the first rainstorm. Then set off to Dingwall for lunch. This turned into a ghastly slow climb with a head wind and several long periods of rain. Everyone cold, and dispirited after the good start. Dingwall was shut for Sunday so had to suffer a lunch in a Wimpy bar, but grateful for the heat and tea. Set off and climbedto gain height and join a good B-road to Tain.  Now the wind at our backs, the sun out and fabulous views across the Cromarty Firth. Rolling fast ride into Tain, with jackets off for the first time in Scotland. Only two more days!!

Lycra Limericks (15)

No Youth Hostel at Boat of Garten
This place will both gladden and hearten!
I won't have to listen
To 2-AM pissin'
Or to twelve men snoring and fartin'

Day (14)

The Jekyll and Hyde weather of Scotland continues. The day began badly with the discovery of a puncture, and Tim having to have his pedals replaced (NOTE Stuart).A long slow climb up to the Pass of Dromochter see picture. All along the pass a cold wind brought showers of rain and sleet (well it felt like sleet) that chilled us all to the bone. Another puncture coming off the pass, complicated by a substandard innertube replacement which exploded. Desperate huddles in a transport stop for coffee and pies to warm us up. Then back into the wind and rain to get lunch in Kinggussie, never have fish and chips tasted so good. By now the wind was behind us and we were descending. Of course the sun then came out as we rode along the valley of the Spey (flooded). Good views across the valley. Very glad to get in to the Hotel at the Boat of Garten. This is turning into a survival course.

Lycra Limericks (14)

Enjoying the sun in Sma Glen,
I thought its beauties to pen.
But its magic spell,
Went as temperatures fell.
And I ain't felt me bollocks since then.

Lycra Limericks (13)

In Stirling there's plenty to like:
You can shop, or sight-see,or hike.
But the very best thing-
This fair makes me sing-
They can't make me get on the bike.

dinnertube

Day (13)

A really strange day from Stirling to Pitlochry. After a brutal climb out of Stirling we crossed the moor in relatively good weather. The views from the moor across to the high mountains in the north were wonderful and we had coffee in Crieff in good heart and spirits. Continued to Aberfeldy up the "Sma Glen"  and the scenery from it and Glen Cochill were great. Attempts to capture the scenery are shown below. However half way across Glen Cochill the weather closed in and rain and a nagging NE wind started. The temperature plummeted and everyone arrived in Aberfeldy frozen to the bone. Heavy weather gear donned we continued down the Tay valley in a steady drizzle. Following a cycle track to Pitlochry the drizzle stopped and we got good views across to the mountains topped by cloud. Scotland is toying with us and showing Janus like its different faces.

Day (12)

This is the official rest day, and as can be seen fromthe plethora of blogs and limericks, the team are feeling somewhat recovered and refreshed. Essential last minute provisions and clothing, pemmican and winter survival suits, were  purchased, to permit our continued journey through a scottish summer. In case anyone doubts our veracity as to the strengthof the winds we have met, the picture of the felled tree in the middle of Stirling provides evidence for our stories. Even the locals, those we understand, seem to think that it is not a good summer. You should have been here in April they keep saying, as if that makes it better. Shopping done the sights of Stirling were taken in, with great viewsfrom the castle and some interesting landmarks shown in the photographs. Tommorrow we start again, with the climb back onto the moors featured in the pics. As the banner says praying for better weather.

Lycra Limericks (12)

Today not a word from naysayers,
For we pedalled like champion stayers;
'Neath dust of volcano
And fierce hurricano
The hills all became Himalayas!

Lycra Limericks (11)

It seems that his faith was misplaced,
For those very hardships we faced;
Though rain fell in lashes
We've hauled our wet asses,
And come to this Mecca of taste.

Lycra Limericks (10)

"The wind's never les than a gale.
Like shrapnel the storm-driven hail,
You'd have to be barmy
To brave this tsunami,
The thought makes the strongest men pale."

Lycra Limericks (9)

"For you'd have to be madman or freak
To pedal a bike up the Peak;
And if any twit tried
Such a lunatic ride,
He'd be blasted right into next week."

Lycra Limericks (8)

Said a farmer I met on Fleet Moss
"In the old days it made me quite cross
To think cycle tours
Would churn up our moors:
But these days, I don't give a toss."

Lycra Limericks (7)

Today, to my dissatisfaction,
My chain threw itself out of action.
I had a small fit -
I shouted out 'shit!' -
This is known as a chain reaction.

ALL THE GEAR.....

I now have rather few gears on my bike than I started with, which complicates matters while grinding up the Scottish Himalayas. Nasty graunching noises and the occasional sound of cogwheel teeth tinkling on the road. But I'm sure everything will be fine (hysterical titter). The bicycle anoraks on this trip have taken the problem on board and as I write are spending their only rest day tinkering with my steel steed: what's particularly sad is that they seem to enjoy doing this....bless 'em! When I asked rather guiltily what I could do to help repair what is, after all, my own bike, the leader said 'Go away and get pissed' which reflects his respect for my usefulness. Accurately enough, I'm afraid.

dinnertube

Don's Impressions So Far

Cyclists are able to feel the true profile of England, Wales and Scotland.
The Pied Piper of Garmin leads us along his blue line
traced across the face
of the land of Angles
touches the ear
of Wales,
the nose of the land
of the Scots.

the thrill of speed
a primal yell at the sky
at the trucks
as they flash by
on a downhill stretch
a shout at legs
to keep spinning
on the one in six hill.
Our helmet visors shield our eyes
like those of skittery horses
protected by blinkers
from fear
of the sight
of high horizons
stretching our climb.

Day (11)

Abington to Stirling 62 miles. Again the weather was grey, cold and windy. Fortunately the wind was mainly at our backs and made for relatively straightforward cycling. Intermittent rain caused drops in temperature from cool to cold. Landscape varied from hilly to post Industrial Wasteland, where we skirted Glascow. The climb from Cumbernald to the moor above Stirling was hard, and we did not benefit from the view, of both Glascow and and Edinburgh, was occluded by the weather. The joy of the countryside was spoilt by considerable evidence of fly-tipping. Whoever said "Bonny Scotland"???

Lycra Limericks (6)

The LeJog sweepers were Pippa and John
Whose patience was much put upon
By team Squeaky Wheels
Who, after too many meals
Made them wait for what seemed like an aeon

Day (10)

Scotland at last. Crossed the border at 9am as can be seen in the photograph. Shortly after the photo the skies opened and all the smiles vanished. This set the pattern for the ride. Short sharp showers, with significant drops in temperature, and the sun toying with us,  suggesting that it was going to get warmer and better. The ride should have been easy but the wind was shifting and mainly in our faces. Though less in force than yesterday, it still had the power to stop you in your tracks, especially on the long climb to Abington. A surprisingly hard day, alleviated by the coffee and fruit cake in Lockerbie. 

Day (9)

Comment consent got the worst day wrong. Today we left Hawes in a Storm force gale, and with horizontal rain. The wind helped for a whilst,until our track changes and it became a side wind. I've never cycled at 45 degrees to the horizontal, leaning into to the wind to keep going, before. Then there was the wind chill, wet and very windy is a bad combination on a bike. You cannot enjoy the decents and the climbs are purgatory. No views available due to low cloud. Later sun did come out but if anything the wind got stronger. A survival day but we did and are now a mere 8 miles form the Scottish Border. Praying for kinder weather tomorrow.

Day (8)

This was easily, by common consensus, the worst day. 62 miles across the Dales to Hawes. The hills were bad enough, but adding in the weather, four seasons in one day, it was worse, than we thoughtit could be. The moor above Huddersfield was swept by a severe gale carrying with it rain and hail. The cold in the rain and hailstorms was intense, and the wind had the bikes twitching all over the road. The rain kept on until we reached Skipton and then eased, so that we had some sun. This enabled us to enjoy Wharfedale at least as far as Kettleshome. The the rain came again followed us up the valley and stopped as we started the climb to Moss Fell (1800 ft). The wind tormented us the entire length of the valley forcing us into granny gears. The decent into Hawes is steep and with the crosswind couldn't be enjoyed. But all arrived safely ifsomewhat knackered. The few phote opportunites attached.

Scrubber

Being unfamiliar with washing facilities in youth hostels, I managed to put industrial quantities of detergent into my cycling gear, and this proved impossible to rinse out in the tiny basin provided and in the 20 seconds available. As a result I'm dreading wearing all this stuff in case it rains, because I shall be converted into a little column of cuckoo spit.

dinnertube

Day (7)

Squeaky wheels leave the converted Outfitters Store at Youlgreave, which has been converted into a youth hostel. Having slept well in a room called "Haberdashery", at least it wasn't the one called "Ladies Knickers" we all set off after Adrian took our photo. En route via Monsal Head I paused for a photo opportunity, which Michael took  advantage of. Someone told us that the first two days were the hardest. They lied. After several 1:4 climbs and equally severe decents this was rated by the team equally hard. First day of problmes, with Tim having a broken chain, and Michael misreading his Gamin.  Last miles into Huddersfiled hard and drear, but all arrived safely. Weather still smiling on us.

Day 6

Easy flat ride for the first 22 miles, quick coffee in Stone and then gentle Climbing to lunch at Oakmoor. Some of the party needed recovery time and encouragement as featured in the photograph taken in the Admiral's Arms. Climb out of Oakmoor ghastly, but views from the top wonderful. Lovely gentle ride along the Manifold Trail and to the Darbyshire border. Now serious climbing but great views, one also shown below. Now in Youlgreave in the Dales and the serious moors tomorrow. Finally our fulsome thanks to Rebbeca at the Hulme End Railway Cafe who generously donated the cost of our portions of delicious treacle tart and tea to the cause. True kindness and deservedly got a hug see below.

Lycra Limericks (5)

Adrian, on LeJog, found charmin'
The warbles and tweets of his Garmin
But the number of times
It misled him with chimes
It drove him to drugs and self-harmin'
Rajmac

Some people are sure we're all crackers
Still others come forward as backers
But I'd give a big quid
To the man, girl or kid
Who'll assist me in finding my knackers

dinnertiube

Day 5: Exeter to Shifnall

A lovely flat, at least at the start, ride through the Golden Valley of the Severn. Leominster, Ludlow through Iron Bridge to Shifnall. The weather was perfect, sunny but not too hot.A slight error in navigation caused a nasty uphill ride near Ludlow, but the view below was worth it. Mike caught trying to work out where we were. Navigational disaster averted, we made good time through the countryside, with interesting signs, beside which Tim poses proudly. An amazingly steep descent into Ironbridge, pictured, and an equally hard climb out, before ending the 62 miles at Shifnall.

Supplementary

Squeaky Wheels would like to thank all tne supporters and friends who have met us en route. Kathy and Clive in Tavistock, lunch was great and thanks, Hilary in Broadway thanks for the beer and especially the peanut cookies. They seemed to evaporate at Cheddar.  Not forgetting, as if we could, Andy our coachman, who met us again tonight.
I think he was just checking we were alive,and actually doing the journey. Much apreciated from all of us. 

Today's quote

"I can feel the heat wafting from your thighs..."

From an ulra-respectable lady in a Gloucestershire pub at a lunch stop: these are words which I dared not hope to hear again this side of the grave.

dinnertube

Lycra Limericks (4)

On Hereford's eighty-two miles
Was a notable absence of smiles;
Excess lactic acid
Made my firmer parts flaccid
And the seat's playing hell with my piles.

Day 4

80 mile ride from Cheddar to Hereford accomplished by the team. Drizzle for most of the day followed by sunshine on arrival in Hereford. The ride was fantastic through some of the most beautiful countryside in England, and the views acroos to Wales before entering Hereford were fantastic. Nearly one third through the journey ans still standing.

Day 3

After a very hard ride to Exeter, we rested and tried to recover for rhe third day. To prove that we did make Exeter we attach the Photograph. The ride fromExeter to Cheddar took us across the Somerset levels, whcih were stunning with yellow irises lining the river banks and drainage ditches. The weather held off for most of the day, but a couple of hours rain lowered spirits for the last 8 miles. Despite this the relatively flat and fast rde helped erase the trials of the Dratmoor stretch.

Lycra Limericks (3)

At Cheddar twas Terry' s last night
As a cop he' d retired from the fight
But just when I thought
I might never be caught
He said "You' re nicked, sunshine, awroit?"

The Lycra Limericks (2)

There was a young lady of Exeter
Said cycling was better than sex to her
She then crossed the moor
On a CTC tour
With the Hound of the Baskervilles next to her

Donyerbike

The Lycra Limericks (0)

As the team squeaked into Penzance
To mount on their pedals and dance
There were some who contend
That to ride End to End
Without drugs you haven't a chance

Donyerbike

The lycra limericks(1)

A party of cyclists convivial
Made the ride from Penzance to Lostwithiel
The gradients on which
Were an absolute bitch
Besides which the Mattethorn' s trivial.
Dinner tube

Lostwithiel and beyond

The team did make it to Lostwithiel, but exhaustion, and technical hitches prevented a posting for the occassion. The next day we set off to Exeter and had the joy of an 8 mile climd out of Lostwithiel. Eventually  made to Minions where we were revived bytea and large bits of cake. On to Tavistock where we met up with Clive, who rode with  us for a short stretch. Having met up with Kathy, they also kindly bought us lunch, much needed, to fortify us for the long haul onto Dartmoor. We were misled about the Dartmoor stretch, supposedly undulating and with a westerly at our backs, easy. It wasn't, climb after climb, hairy decent after hairy decent.  The entire route turns out to involve more climbing than any other. So we celebrate making it to Exeter, and finishing the hardest section of the journey. Will we survive to the end??

Hills? You say hills? I've had to walk up hills before, but I've never come across hills so steep I had to walk down them too! I think I said it was good to have started at last....let me modify that opinion: it is bloody hard! There are very good views, it's true, but by the time you get to them you see them through a mist of tiny red dots...Oh,well, it's in a good cause, though I have to say the Macmillan nurses might have been better off if we'd all stayed at home watching TV and sent them the entry money instead. Ah, but the rippling hiss of lycra in the morning, the joy of the open road, the bonhomie and camaraderie...the...well, you know swhat I mean.

Tim 'dinnertube' Griggs

Day one

After a hard and hilly 28 miles a well deserved lunch, in glorious weather, if a trifle windy.Will the team complete day one?

The Start

After a quiet day in Newquay, we set off for Penzance. Arriving just after 4pm we had tomakehaste tochange for the 15 miles from  Land's End toPenzance. The photographs taken, and the crisis of MIchael's flat tyre sorted we made the ride. The journey has begun.

The Journey

On the long journey to the start we were expertly driven by Andy, see the picture. It was noticeable that as the length of the journey became apparent as we neared Penzance, the nerves started to jangle. I think everyone was anxious to start.

Together at last

Last night the team assembled for the first time to organize travel,and toast our venture. It also gave us an opportunity to don our uniforms for the adventure, as  shown in the photograph. Travel to Cornwall today and more later.

Squeaky Wheels in Training

It seemed a good idea, given the venerable age of team Squeaky Wheels, that we should accustom ourselves to the time we would have to spend in the saddle. So team Squeaky Wheels, or some of them, have diligently trained throughout the terrible Winter and warm Spring of the UK. Braving ice, cold, torrential rain, heat, wind and traffic they have covered the miles and soared over the mountainous terrain surrounding Oxford. In Mike's case, based in Switzerland, he has literally been training on heavy climbing. The horrors and difficulties of the pre-ride training are captured in the photo montage, in which the pain is obvious.